Letter to my neighbor

Dear Neighbor,

It's February 28th. Christmas was two months ago. Three if you count tomorrow as a new month. I think it's probably safe to take down the Christmas lights and the lights in your yard. While you're at it, feel free to tell the other guy in our neighborhood that he can take the green garland off his back porch and the ornaments off the tree by his front door. I really hope that you didn't give up taking down decorations that are well past their time for Lent.

Signed,

Annoyed Neighbor

Letter to the parked car:

Dear person who parked next to me,

You parked less than a foot away from my driver's side door.  I am 8 months pregnant!  I had to crawl in through the passenger side to get to the driver's seat.  I realize that the parking spaces in the student lot are smaller than other parking lots, but please be more considerate of the cars you park next to.

I hope you get a flat tire to make up for my inconvenience and your stupidity.  Have a nice day!

Pregnant Parker

DWS (Driving while stupid)

I spotted two cases of DWS this morning:

On my way to work this morning I almost got rear ended.  It was one of those situations where the person behind you wasn't paying attention close enough to the brake lights of the cars one - three cars ahead of you and had to swerve onto the shoulder so she wouldn't hit me.  After I witnessed this display of stupidity, she picked a cup (like a ceramic coffee cup without a lid) and took a sip.  Nice job lady.

A little bit further down the highway, there was a person driving a good 5 miles under the speed limit so I passed her.  Being the curious person I am, I looked over to see who was driving.  It was some chick looking in the visor mirror,  using a wet wipe and two hands (which meant no hands on the steering wheel) cleaning makeup off underneath her eyes.  You could have fixed that when you got to your work's parking lot.  No one notices your makeup while driving 60 miles an hour honey!